American advises American men to forget Thai Bride stereotype - seriously
As the numbers of America men seeking Thai wives continues to soar, one America man advises Americans interested in finding a relationship with a Thai woman to forget about the Thai Bride stereotype.
Jamie (37) from San Francisco first visited Thailand in 2009. He had met his future Thai wife Bee on ThaiLoveLines earlier in the year. 'The Thai Bride thing doesn't help, that was never my idea and I think that's why I have been so successful,' he says. 'The world has come a long way and Thai women are so awesome, any guy'd be making a big mistake to stick with that image,' he says.
If you are an American and considering living with a Thai wife in America Jamie says that is important that you are not swayed by the old stereotype of mail order brides. Like most American women, your Thai wife will not be a housekeeper or maid, but will expect to play a full part in the life partnership known as marriage. While Thai women are excellent housekeepers, they are excellent businesswomen and workers. Many Thai wives help their American husbands run their businesses in addition to being completely devoted to their husband and family.
A Thai wife in America: your best friend
Did you know that the World's first woman prime minister was an Asian woman from Sri Lanka? In July 2011 Yingluck Shinawatra was elected as prime minister of Thailand, the first Thai woman to hold the office. Remember not to underestimate Thai women, and consider your reasons for marrying a Thai wife and bringing her to America. This also applies if you are an America living in Thailand.
Jamie says that the perception is that most American men marry Thai women because they are looking for a housekeeper and maid. This continues to be one of the greatest challenges in his relationship with his Thai wife in America. 'Even today that is the way many of my friends look at it, that's not what I am about but any guy should be aware that this is one of the biggest problems or downside. But really, I consider myself so lucky.'
The media in America, particularly Hollywood, still have the typical American stereotype of the Asian or Thai wife who is subservient in mind, who will do her husband's bidding and live quietly in the background - not so!
'Bee is a Thai woman to her finger tips and she shows me a lot of respect because I am her husband but I must respect her too, that is her tradition. Her culture means that she will not demand it, it's just that she would be hurt if I let her down, so it's kinda strange with a Thai wife you have to be even more understanding.'
Here are some tips for you if you have it in mind to seek out a beautiful Thai bride. Thai women can be extremely beautiful, but they have their own distinct and independent way of thinking instilled through their own culture and upbringing. Failure to understand this can lead to strains in any marriage between a Thai wife and a foreign husband particularly an American man.
Actively reject the mail order Thai bride stereotype
There are as many beautiful young women in Thailand that are seeking husbands because of the simple fact that they live in areas where meeting young men is very difficult. In some parts of the country, towns and villages are far apart, and it is genuinely difficult for young men and women to meet people of their own age. This has led to an explosion in internet dating in Thailand and the growth of Thai Dating sites.
For that reason many will resort to international Thai Dating sites and 'mail order' offers of finding a husband, because they do not enjoy the normal social life that the average American takes for granted. You should not therefore assume that such women are 'desperate' for a husband, and will do anything to get one, but should appreciate the difficulty that many have of meeting suitable suitors.
Do not assume that your Thai wife in America will act as a maid for you. She may take care of you very well but this is a Thai wife's way of giving or showing respect to her husband.
Thai women have a very beautiful culture minded and have very acute brains. 'That's another surprise, I think Thai women are very intelligent. I think many people think because they are quiet and polite that they are stupid or something, they're not open and loud like Americans are sometimes,' says Jamie. 'I've seen some guys come here and get annoyed 'cause the Thai ladies are so clever.'
So, the first tip you if you are considering a Thai wife in America is to forget the stereotypes and seek a beautiful young woman with whom you are prepared to spend the rest of life.
She will not expect to be treated as your housekeeper
From San Francisco, Jamie met his Thai wife on ThaiLoveLines in 2009, 'My Thai wife's name is Bee. . . Since she came to live me from Udon Thani, Thailand, I've stopped working for a living and become a business man. My life has changed for the better.' Jamie and Bee now run a contract cleaning business in Bay area of San Francisco and she lives up to her name!
The Thais have a saying about marriage: "The man leads with the front legs, but the wife drives it with the back legs." That is true of many Thai wives in America.
So by marrying a lovely Thai girl you are getting a partner in every way, and one that will help you to become successful if she possibly can. She will not sit in the background and be invisible, but will take a full and active part in your marriage, using her good financial skills that Thai wives are famous for, to help you make a success of yourself, and be proud of you without seeking personal recognition.
Look for a Life partner
When you have found your Thai bride, you will have a partner for life - with emphasis on 'partner.' She will work with and for you, so keep in mind that this Thai wife in America will expect to be with you for life.
If you run a business, then she will expect to help you. If you have problems she will expect to help you overcome them. Like most Asian women, Thai wives will support their husbands at all times, but will also expect to be treated properly. They are very protective of their family, from their grandparents to their grandchildren. Thai women have a greater respect for their elders than westerners, and also a greater sense of 'family,' and if you are seeking a true 'life partner' than your Thai bride will be just that.
Enjoy her culture
You would not expect an Thai woman to insist you convert to her culture, and so you should not expect that of a Thai wife in America. Some Americans refuse to permit their Thai wives to cook Thai food, to follow their own Buddhist religion or even insist they become totally Americanized in every way they dress, eat and live. You may as well just have an American wife rather than a beautiful Asian woman enjoying your company with the ability to introduce you to a fabulous range of new exotic foods and her own rich culture.
Thai women are different from American men in more ways than one, and if you are lucky and marry one then you should enjoy everything your Thai wife is willing to share with you: her culture and her commitment to you included. Here are some cultural differences in everyday living that you should keep in mind. Thais are different to Americans in many ways, such as:
It is normal for Thais to check the bill, unlike most Americans who would just take it and pay it. In Thailand the eldest at the table will normally pay - don't argue and insist that you pay, because this would be insulting. However, if you are with your Thai woman's family, wait a few seconds, and if nobody picks up the tab, then you can take it that you are expected to. That's fine.
When you get her back to the USA, don't be surprised if she checks the bill and makes sure you have had each item on it - that's custom in Thailand. You can educate her gently in American ways, but you should understand that these may seem unusual to her until she has got used to living in America.
Showing affection in public
Public displays of affection, such as holding hands or kissing, are considered rude in Thailand. Girls who do this are considered to be hookers, so don't be worried if your new wife is reticent to publicly respond to your affection at first because she will be totally different when you get her home! She will soon learn, but this is just one other example of how Thai women can be misunderstood when they are simply trying not to let you down by acting inappropriately.
Seeking a wife in Thailand
If you are visiting Thailand seeking a wife, keep in mind that the vast majority of Thai women have received their impression of America from TV and movies. They think all Americans live in large houses and are rich. If you are on vacation, you have likely saved up some money to spend on the women you meet. Thai women may believe that is normal for you, and will get a shock once you get them back home to your small condo and burgers rather than gourmet food.
Be honest and don't try to be what you are not. You may fall in love with a Thai woman, but keep in mind that they may be looking for a ticket away from their village, and much as they like you, that's a long way for love. The same applies to you: in the USA you would normally spend time getting know a girl - take her to a movie, dinner and so one, and after several weeks or months decide that she is the one for you.
You cannot compress that into one visit to Thailand, so before deciding a lovely Thai woman is your heart's desire make sure you are right for each other and it's not just a more basic feeling. The same will be true for her, and this is one of the more difficult problems associated with marriages between American men and Thai women: frequently the marriage fails because you didn't get to know each other properly: the culture, background, real personality and so on that you would have time to do with a girl back home in the USA. Saying that, Thai women are great cooks, will keep your house perfectly and will always have your interests at heart.
That business connection again
Thai women are reputed to be among the best business women in the world. In ancient Thai women were responsible for commercial dealings and in most Thai households, the woman takes care of all financial affairs. A recent survey of women in to executive positions found that Thai women were the 2nd most successful next to women from the Philippines. A significant number America men seeking Thai wives are small business owners who find it difficult to find a marriage partner in the United States because of the long hours involved in working the business and the lack of financial security. This phenomenon is true of men worldwide seeking wives from Thailand. One survey in 2009/2010 showed 17% of men seeking a Thai wife were small business owners still active in business.
You will never become bored with your Thai wife in America, but remember that she is not a maid - she is a wife, totally devoted to you and her children, and an equal partner in a loving relationship.