An Irish man who operated a hotel and bar in Pattaya for twenty years says that the city is 'still the place to be' for young men coming to Thailand to meet Thai girls for fun and a good holiday.
'I mean think about it from the point of view of English or Irish lads arriving there. Cheap sex, girls who are more like girlfriends and up for anything. Now there's more to do and
see in Pattaya but Pattaya will always be Pattaya.'
JP Mc Donagh arrived in Pattaya for the first in 1976 and ran a business in the city from 1985 to 2006. He doesn't agree that Pattaya is in decline or has a major problem with
rackets and violence. 'I still keep in touch with friends in Pattaya but sure every place changes. Some fellas say Thai girls in Pattaya are now more interested in money and it's too
commercial but that's why Thai Girls have always come to Pattaya. Every place changes, people change. Now Pattaya has many different media outlets and there's more news
coming out of the place. Certainly there are more fellas settling down there and it's still a great town to visit but you have to have money.'
In recent years authorities in the Thai seaside resort which attracts over 7 million visits annually have been keen to present a new image of the city. Pattaya is an autonomous
city in Chonburi province on the coast in the Bay of Bangkok and just 2 hours from Thailand's capital. Pattaya has developed an infamous reputation as a destination for sex tourism
even prompting some tourist operators in foreign countries to boycott the city.
Mc Donagh now lives in Ireland and has not been back to Pattaya since 2006. But he says that Pattaya continues to evolve. 'I hear reports that Pattaya has changed. No one
says it's going downhill, there's feeling it's in overdrive but that's what happens when things continue to grow. And times do change. Of course the Thai girls are not the same. Now
Thai girls know the world a bit more and have better prospects. In my time these girls had never seen any kind life or decent money. They'd have an unreal picture too. Every lad
from England, France or Germany was a millionaire and some of these fellas believed it when they'd first travel to Pattaya. In my time there I bought into it as well, its human nature.
But in the end of the day, the crowds keep heading for Pattaya.'
Story of Pattaya's rise as a sex resort
Pattaya is seaside village that was established in the late eighteenth century when two Thai armies met on the beach and joined forces against Burmese invaders. It remained
a quiet seaside village until the late 1960's when it became a meeting place for another army and Thai girls from all over Thailand. The village was transformed into a mini city
overnight when it became an R&R resort for US forces in Vietnam. After this, the city became a magnet for Thai girls from all over Thailand who, far from their homes in rural
Thailand, opted to become part in the Thai sex industry.
Pattaya second only to Bangkok for sex workers
Over the last forty years Pattaya has developed one of the biggest sex for sale cities in Asia but it has also developed into a very attractive tourist venue with a range of facilities
and attractions for family oriented holiday makers.
Unfortunately, the city has become synonymous among younger and middle aged western men as an exciting place to meet sexy Thai girls. Pattaya is second only to Bangkok
when it comes to the numbers of Thai girls working in prostitution. It is also fair to say that the city has grown extensively with an influx of older western men seeking a more exotic
retirement than can be found at home in western countries. The market for property in Pattaya has consequently boomed over the last forty years despite the strict limitations on
foreigners owning property in Thailand.
Pattaya's beaches and golf courses
Pattaya, with its extensive beach fronts in Pattaya city centre and Jomtien beach, offers a range of amenities and a year round holiday atmosphere to foreigners arriving in the
city. The city has many outlying islands and has no less than 21 gold courses within an extended area of the city.
But the real story of Pattaya undoubtedly centres on the Thai girls who arrive in the city daily on buses from all over the Kingdom of Thailand to seek a better life and fortune.
Growing population in Pattaya.
Pattaya officially has a population of over 100,000 people but at any one time this can be over 300,000 with visitors and Thai girls working in the beer bars, Go Go bars,
gentlemen's clubs and massage parlours that are everywhere in the city. A conservative estimate is that there are 20,000 Thai girls working in the sex trade in Pattaya but some
estimate that it could be as much as 60,000 within the larger Chonburi region including Pattaya itself. 'It's hard to put an exact figure on the number of Thai girls living and working
in Pattaya. This is because they are all registered as living at home in their rural provinces throughout the country. It's actually better that way,' says JP Mc Donagh an Irish man who
ran his hotel business in the city for over twenty years.
Colourful backdrop to shady stories
For some years now Pattaya has been the focus of TV exposes by film crews from around the world and the racy Sunday tabloids. It is often home to shady westerners evading
the law and offers a colourful backdrop that makes for a good news story. UK tabloids have featured exposes on crooked barristers and business people who have retired to Pattaya
but who have begun new activities or a 'second life' from the bustling sex city by the sea. One Scottish tabloid even featured an expose on a sitting judge and his sex exploits on a
junket to Pattaya. The cheap cost of living, exotic surroundings and cheap sex have attracted all sorts of disreputable characters to Pattaya. 'If it's a quiet news week, you can always
ring a stringer in Bangkok or Pattaya and find something saucy for the inside pages, Pattaya has new characters in town everyday from countries all over the world' says one foreign
based journalist based in Bangkok.
Pattaya trying to clean up its image
Authorities in the city are anxious to clean up its image. It is no accident that there are now regular reports of westerners being brought before the courts for sexual offences with
children or the attempted trafficking of Thai girls. Pattaya's reputation took such a battering that many western travel agencies refused to make bookings for the city over the last ten
'Things have gotten a bit better in recent years but it will be a good while before Pattaya is seen as family friendly, and it's a bit unfair you know because it's a great place to bring
a young family if you're staying at one of the resorts or something like that. But it's hard to get past Pattaya's reputation for girls and sex unfortunately.'
Who are the Thai Girls that work in Pattaya?
Although Pattaya boasts fabulous resorts and family oriented tourist attractions including theme parks and gold courses, the main focus of attention for many visitors to Pattaya is
'Walking Street' which is packed full of Go Go bars and beer bars. 'I know it's unfortunate and many regular tourist to Pattaya find better places to go and see but this for many is the
heart of Pattaya,' says JP Mc Donagh. 'Authorities are trying to market it as cleaner and family friendly and it is helping but you take way the sexy Thai girls and Pattaya would
become an afterthought, but that's just what I think.'
Sex scene in Pattaya
Many foreigners to Pattaya come explicitly for the sex scene. Men can pay bar fines and take good looking Thai girls out of the Go Go bars for extended periods ranging from
an hour to all night and sometimes for extended periods during vacations. 'It's prostitution, that's certain but the way it's done it gives some of the lads the feeling that it's natural and
that's the attraction, now I will say in recent years it's becoming a bit strained, now there are more foreigners from more countries and the Thai girls are changing, it was always
commercial but in my day in Pattaya, it was more relaxed and some of the Thai girls were real operators in the best sense of the world, I'd guess today these girls have better
options but I'm sure there still wonderful Thai girls in Pattaya. I lived there for nearly twenty years and by and large my opinion of these girls is more positive than negative.'
Thai girls see Pattaya as a gateway to a new life
Some Thai girls come to Pattaya simply to find a better life either to find more money than they could expect from jobs in factories and stores or to meet the man of their
dreams. 'All the girls in Pattaya are realistic and it is money yes but it is also the way that they learn about the bigger world and some girls sometimes meet nice foreigners, it is good
sometimes to have a dream,' says Bee who worked in Pattaya for four years. 'Sometimes the Thai girls do not think about this at all but it can happen that you can meet some good
Pattaya girl meets Danish man and start Danish Thai community
Nearly twenty years a Thai girl working as a sex worker in Pattaya met a nice Danish man. That meeting and union has subsequently resulted in over 600 Thai girls from
Pattaya and villages all over northern Thailand moving to the Thy region of Denmark.
Ticket to Paradise - Thai Girl moves to Pattaya
Janus Ketz, a Danish filmmaker made a documentary movie about Sommai and the Thai girls who found love with Danish men. The documentary won worldwide acclaim and
has spawned countless other TV stations in Europe to examine again the stereotypical representations of sexy Thai girls and older western men. For a start many of the Danish
men in Ketz's original movie were younger men.
'I like the men, I think there is something very beautiful in their search for companionship and love,' said Ketz at the time. In Ketz's documentary, Sommai, the Thai girl from
Pattaya who met her Danish husband becomes the fairy god mother for younger Thai girls seeking a better life and European men who cannot find a love partner. 'A fairytale is the
perfect narrative for these tales, you have the hero who is going to make a journey who needs to become himself, find his own sexuality.' In his documentary he describes how the
Danish men 'blossomed as men.'
Ketz followed his hit TV documentary with another (Love on Delivery) dealing with the same subject matter. The new documentary featured the agonizing choice that one Thai
girl named Saeng has to make in leaving behind her family and child to go to work in Pattaya as a sex worker. She is too young yet to find a husband in Denmark. In the movie she is
encouraged by her mother and he friend Lom to make the move to Pattaya and introduced to how things work in Pattaya for Thai girls in the sex industry catering to visiting
foreigners. In the movie, Saeng sees Denmark and the foreign world as paradise and Pattaya is a gateway to get there.
Pattaya - snakes and ladders for Thai girls
Recently, the US website Huffington Post featured a report about sex trafficking in Thailand and identified Pattaya as a recruiting ground for Thai women being trafficked into
the Japanese, Asian and American sex industry. Most commentators and authorities dismiss these reports and the Huffington Post report was criticized as being sparse and lacking
detail. However, there have been isolated and documented reports of UK men travelling to the UK with 'Thai girlfriends' who were destined for the UK prostitution industry. 'Things
like this are bound to happen in a city that attracts so many Thai girls and so many colourful characters,' says JP Mc Donagh. 'However I'd say that the Thai authorities and
international police services have a handle on it, I think many Thai girls see working in the sex industry in foreign countries as a step up but they are badly mistaken.'
Nom - just wanted to work with her sisters in Pattaya
Nom is a Thai Girl that currently works in Pattaya with her two sisters. From the province of Mae Hong Son in the North of Thailand, she comes from a family of eleven boys and
girls. Sold to a brothel in Bangkok through a friend in her village, Nom eventually returned to her village to find out that her sisters had been sent to work in Pattaya. Again through the
family friend, Nom was given plastic surgery and sent to work in Hong Kong and Japan. Her tale is unusual; most Thai girls that work in Pattaya stay there and it is their entry into the
sex industry. However Nom found that the money to be made in Hong Kong or Japan was not as good and the life difficult. She eventually opted to be reunited with her two sisters in
Thai girl seeks foreign husband in Pattaya
Jeab, a Thai Girl also from the Northern provinces saw many families in her village prosper as girls in the family found foreign husbands. She set off to Pattaya to find a
foreigner. She began her quest in Pattaya working as a waitress but the money was so much more attractive in the bars. To help to send money home to her daughter, she became
a Pattaya bar girl.
She worked in Pattaya for six months until she met a German man, a customer for sex. He said that he loved her and although sceptical at first, she agreed to go with him. Her new
husband sponsored her trip to Germany. Jeab had married the man in a ceremony but not officially at a marriage registration office. The marriage had no valid basis in Thailand or
Germany. Jeab was warned by her friends in Pattaya and family back home that this was a mistake.
Thai girls become sex workers in foreign countries
So it was. She ended up living with her German partner and working for him as a prostitute in German being driven from hotel to hotel or different meeting points. She stayed in
Germany for a long time and bonded her relationship with him by having two more children, two girls.
Thai girls meet foreigners in Pattaya?
Jeab returned to Thailand for her mother's funeral. Her life in Germany was hard and she wanted to stay in Thailand. She asked her partner to send her two children back to
Thailand. Her German husband promised her that if she returned she would not have to work as a prostitute anymore. But the same pattern developed. After finally returning to
Thailand, Jeab found that her husband had also had an affair with her eldest daughter when she was only fourteen years of age while living in Germany.
This horrendous story is not unique says J.P. Mc Donagh: 'During my time in Pattaya, I saw different variations for this story. You'd see an English man coming to Pattaya with
plenty of money and he'd meet a Thai bar girl. Soon they'd be an item and he'd decide to stay in Pattaya. Now one of the reasons I returned home to Ireland after selling up is that if
you've nothing to keep you occupied in Pattaya, there are so many ways to lose money. Sure enough, they'd always end up with a money problem. Sometimes the Thai girl moved
out but often also she'd stay with him. I don't believe that all Thai bar girls are hard hearted but the story never ends well. They'd go back to England and because she's worked in
the trade in Pattaya, she takes up the same trade in the UK, he's lost his footing at home and it's difficult to start again. It's hard to say any of them are in the wrong. It's just what can
happen when foreigners meet girls in Pattaya.'
Living with Thai girls still working in Pattaya
A variation on this story but one with perhaps more love is the story told by a 50 year old English history teacher who recently wrote to a popular internet forum in Thailand. The
man described how he was living with his 33 year old Thai girlfriend who worked in a bar in Pattaya five nights a week. His salary as a teacher was 35,000 baht ($1,150) per month
and his Thai girlfriend earned about the same. In addition she received regular remittances from her foreign boyfriends through Western Union. He asked other foreigners what they
Among the respondents was a younger foreigner who was also living with a Thai girlfriend working the bar scene in addition to a few others who was in the same predicament.
Some respondents condemned the man while others were supportive pointing out that while most relationships of this nature fail, it just be possible for it to work out. A common
theme is that the Thai girlfriend may simply have been waiting for a wealthier and financially better off foreigner.
JP Mc Donagh: 'This is more common place that people realise. I saw it quite often in my time in Pattaya. Even wives or long term girlfriends were not above going back to the
old business when the going got tough. Sometimes they'd tell the husband but more often not. I've even seen wealthy fellows involved with women on and off ending up with
girlfriends still working the trade. This is why you have to ask seriously if it is possible for any Thai girl working in Pattaya in that business to return to a normal life. The same applies
to working girls all over the world. In our world, a woman in this business is a marked woman but even that's old fashioned now.
Death and Nightmares in Pattaya - angry Thai girls
It is quite common now for news outlets in Pattaya to report crimes, violence and even murder between foreigners and Thai girls living in city. A recent case involved a Thai
woman who murdered a Bangladeshi man after drugging him and two of his friends in three for one sex session that went wrong. The woman drugged the men and stole their
cash and credit cards. Unfortunately one of the men died and the police in Pattaya weren't long in tracking her down.
Bitter Pattaya girls looking for easy money
'This is another worrying development. Now there are growing numbers of men from Asian and Middle Eastern countries arriving in Pattaya in increasing numbers. Many
people have told me that there are also now some Thai girls who you could describe as, let me just say as being in Pattaya but their hearts not in it. I've seen it often, a girl gets bitter
and cynical and is just out to get money and she wants it fast.' says Mc Donagh.
Finn stabbed in the Chest by Thai Girlfriend in Pattaya
In October last year an elderly Finn was found fatally stabbed on the road in Pattaya near his rented apartment in Soi Khobai in South Pattaya. Police on the scene interviewed a
witness who said that he saw the Finn's Thai girlfriend, who was about forty years old, involved in a heated argument with him before stabbing him in the chest with a knife. When
the police arrived on the scene they found man had expired with the knife thrown nearby. The Thai girlfriend had fled the scene on her motorbike.
The Thai girlfriend stopped at a local convenience store and sold her mobile. Neighbours in the apartment building reported to police that they had heard heated arguments
from the 2nd floor apartment prior to the incident.
'Again there are more and more stories like this. There was Belgian man thrown off his balcony by his girlfriend in the news not so long ago. Ok, sure no one knows all the
details but there it is usually the same story. Thai girls feel let down a bit and lose face big time when the foreigner runs out of money or the budget gets tight. It depends on the girl,
her background and breeding, you know. By that I mean her family. Of course it's not always going to be too good. If a family has sent a girl off working to Pattaya, they've obviously
reached a certain point or level. So now how does the girl feel? What also afterwards has this girl stored up in her heart? No girl finds sleeping with lots of men easy or normal. So
now her foreigner fella, the man she was counting on, has let her down, the whole world comes crashing down. Now that's why I wouldn't get serious with a Thai girl in Pattaya,'
says JP Mc Donagh.
English man's Pattaya girl was Joy
Ten years ago James Cunningham from Liverpool set off down the road from Bangkok to Pattaya to spend the second leg of his two week stay in Thailand. It was love at first
'I was blown away by Pattaya. The first thing I found was that I couldn't spend my money fast enough. I had only spent a few days in Bangkok and most of those were sleeping. I had
brought a lot of pocket money for my holiday in Pattaya, but I couldn't spend it. It's still like that today but a bit more expensive and I've begun to think a little Thai,' he says.
James works in a hospital and has a secure job but has decided not to settle down. 'No, I believe life is for living and I haven't met the right girl yet. The way I live now is to work
and save for my next trip to Pattaya.'
James says the atmosphere in Pattaya is one of the key attractions. 'When I first got here, I met some nice guys at the local pubs. Foreigners here tend to open up a bit and
there's always someone to talk to in the bars.'
Over the years James has a developed a routine. He has managed to visit Pattaya once a year and often twice. 'Of course I came to Pattaya to meet Thai girls and I did all of
that. I've met lots of Thai girls but I always find someone really nice to be around with. I sometimes hire a car or even a boat to visit the areas around and the islands. I also like to
stay in a nice hotel or one of the resorts and I have handful of places that I have come to know. It's like a second home now.'
For three years James had a regular girl friend in Pattaya. Her name was Joy. 'She said she was always looking for the right man. I began to see her regularly on my trips. I even
managed to get a visa for her to come home to visit. That was a shocker because it's virtually impossible for most Thai girls, unheard of.'
However on his trip in 2011 to holiday in Pattaya and bring Joy back to the UK to visit, he discovered his girlfriend was gone. 'No, I didn't give her the money for the plane ticket or
anything like that. Before I could book it she just disappeared, I couldn't contact her from the UK. I asked some of the girls here where she had gone but they wouldn't tell me. One
girl did say that Joy was 'lucky'. I assume she met a good man or something like that.'
James said he was disappointed but perhaps he had been careless. 'Maybe I was just being selfish, this was a great girl and I thought it'd be nice for her to come home with me
but maybe there was someone else who offered her more. To tell the truth I did sometimes send her some money but small amounts but I never felt like getting too serious. Maybe I
was just thinking of myself.'
Thai girl's story in Pattaya
In 2001 just before 9/11, Bee arrived in Pattaya on a bus from a province in Isaan. Bee had worked on her parents' farm but knew that money was easier to make in Pattaya. It
was primarily her mother's decision that she should go in search of a better life. 'My mother obtained a loan and my cousin arranged for me to work in bar near the beach in Pattaya,
it was not easy.'
Bee recalls the journey first to Bangkok and then on to Pattaya. She also reveals that she was not a virgin when she went to work in the city. 'I was able to make friends and get
on. I wasn't a virgin but I had never worked like this before.' Bee recalls that her first weeks and months in Pattaya were happy times. 'It was so different from life at home. For starters
I got to drink free beer and I met lots of new friends. There were new clothes and it felt good to help my family.'
Bee not only met new friends but was attractive enough to meet some nice guys. 'I remember meeting a handsome man from France and then for a holiday in Koh Samui, it
was like an adventure. But Bee also recalls that there were down days when she met 'stingy' men and customers with a bad attitude. 'There are some men that make a bar girl feel
so low and I can feel like it is a bad life.'
Bee also defends some Thai girls in Pattaya who have foreigner friends who send money. 'I was sincere and there were men who were sincere too. Not all the time you know. It
is not the plan for a Thai girl to tell lies to a man. It can happen that life can become lie. I cannot say No when a man wants to help and I am a poor woman. In Pattaya, I worked and
lived at that time and soon many times make it a lie. Maybe you have many men around the world who love you but you have family to take care also. I never fight with a foreigner
and I always have a good heart.'
Bee explains that often the girls in Pattaya just get tired. She says that competition between the girls; alcohol, debts and demands for money from home simply get too much.
'Then I had the bad time in Pattaya,' Bee developed a habit of disappearing and drinking for days at a time until eventually she gave up her job and tried to get by with normal
Part time in Pattaya
Today Bee works on and off at different bars in Bangkok and Pattaya but also now works for herself. She says she still has many foreigner friends and has learned a lot from the
foreigner men. 'I have friends around the world, not just about money.' Bee spends a lot of time on the internet. She still sells her body for money but she says she is also concerned
about HIV and Aids and has a hospital checkup very two weeks or every month. She is careful never to have unprotected sex. 'I do not have to pay myself but I hear bad stories about
Thai ladies who sleep with foreigners, it is important. I have friends that help me about this.'
Bee now has her own laptop and tablet computer and lives in a small apartment in Pattaya. She still sends some money very month to her family and still has cousins and
sisters working in Go Go bars and massage parlours. She says her life today is more relaxed and she is happy. However she is afraid that she will never find a good man. 'I am very
careful but I am sometimes sad that I do not have a family of children.'
Irish man lived through Pattaya's boom time
JP Mc Donagh came to Pattaya first in 1976 and thought it was paradise. At least for a young Irish man from a traditionally Catholic country. In 1983 he sold his pig farm in
Ireland and decided to move out to Thailand altogether. 'I had no big responsibilities and I'd had enough of pigs and ****,' he laughs heartily. 'Thailand seemed like a far better
In 1985 after living and working in Thailand as well as touring the country for few years he bought a small hotel in Pattaya. By this time Pattaya was well known all over the world.
'Nothing much just nine rooms and a bar with a room for meals but I was able to extend it. By this time Pattaya was a big draw.'
The Irish man has seen many foreigners and Thai girls in his time in Pattaya. Here is what he makes of Thai girls working in Pattaya. 'Thai girls in Pattaya were there to make a
fortune just like me.'
JP explains that he had met many Thai girls in his twenty years in Pattaya and had many relationships. 'You'd meet characters from all over the world and the Thai girls in
Pattaya were just beautiful, one more beautiful than the other. Of course they were all kinds, some catty or fond of eating or drinking but a few were grand girls. Real go getters. I'd
see some girls figure out fast that good business is all about service. They'd take care of the fellas and did right by them as long as they were paid.'
He has the following key tips for foreigners visit Pattaya and meeting up with Thai girls:
- Don't forget to pay and that the girls working in Pattaya were in fact prostitutes: 'Maybe I'm old fashioned but I had a few relationships with Thai girls in Pattaya but to me it was
always more like business or even a trade. I never thought of marrying a girl from Pattaya but then that's why I'm out of the place, younger men and younger Thai women today have
different ideas altogether. Certainly don't take my word for it but you can't change an old dog.'
- Be aware of HIV and Aids: 'At one time this was bigger story and in Thailand they handled it very well especially the girls working in the bars. But I've heard lately that it's a bit of
problem again. Never have unprotected sex even when the Thai girl is young and she can speak English and all that, it's one world or the other. Life or death it's simple as that.'
- Have fun: 'Pattaya is a great place and the Thai girls are not only beautiful but they are nice people who enjoy life. Treat the Thai girls well, take them out or be decent. It pays to
be a gentleman once you're not a fool.'
- JP's advice for any foreigner in Pattaya who is 'feeling the pinch' or low on funds is simple: get out. 'The saddest thing I saw in my time there was fellas who stayed too long either
on a jaunt or over a longer period and ran out of money. A foreigner has to have money in Pattaya or Thailand for that matter; you can't play the game any other way.'
- Keep safe and in control: 'Some foreigners and not just the younger fella let the hair down too much in Pattaya. You have to be in control and set limits. Thailand is a very foreign
country. It's the last place you'd want to drink too much or step outside the law.'
- Don't believe tall tales: 'It's natural for young fellas and some older fellas to like some of Thai girls in Pattaya or want to give a dig out. I did it myself. But the secret for me was that
I knew I wasn't getting it back but I did it because I liked the girl. Often I did get it back and I met some Thai girls that were people of their word if you'd believe me. I've no time at all
for whiners and fellas in their cups complaining. You give with a good heart and that way there's no bitterness afterwards.
- Don't tell lies to Thai girls: 'I'm a bit older and generally the Thai girls were younger even years ago but I'd never tell them a lie. Some of the Thai girls can take care of
themselves and were go getters but others you could see were in over their head. I'd see many foreigners come along and after a while because they were a bit weak, they'd tell the
Thai girls what she wanted to hear. The girl would feel let down. By God those Thai girls would get angry. When I see the stories of love gone wrong I see one of these girls and the
foreigner both have got in over their head. From the start fellas must know it's a dangerous game.'
- Think realistically about love with Thai Girls in Pattaya: 'First off, I have seen some relationships and even marriages between Thai girls and foreigners that went well beyond my
expectations. Real love and I've even seen such couples prosper. But I've seen a lot more nightmares and I can easily understand why. I'm a man of the world I suppose but coming
from Ireland in the seventies I didn't have it easy but nothing as hard as these girls. And Pattaya dresses it up nicely, it's a beautiful place but it's not real. In any relationship the acid
test is money. Marriages everywhere are about men and women getting along together and money is important but there's love involved too. Myself I think there's a lot of pain in a
girl's heart when she works in that business. You'd want to be strong and special man to take it out. I'd never thought about trying myself and I'm glad I didn't.'