German Thai wife advises young Thai women to be discerning online

'There are a good and and bad people in every country but I have no problem in telling my girlfriends in Thailand who are online seeking husbands to look for a good German men,' says Nan who has been married to Kurt for the last nine years. They live in Bad Oldesloe, a town in northern Germany and have two adorable young boys.

Thai woman advices Thai girls to think about a German man

Nan has advised many Thai women seeking to marry European men to come to Germany but not without doing their homework. 'I joined ThaiLoveLines seven months before I met Kurt, I had been working in the Czech Republic in Thai massage and in a tourist hotel. I had to come home to Nakhon Phanom province when my work finished. My experience of living in Europe made me sure that is where I wanted to live.

'I had some boyfriends in the the Czech Republic, one German man and one Swedish man and I decided to look for a German man. They are very serious maybe but they are good men who can take care and keep their word but this is only if you find the right one. I looked online and did not see so many German men. More men from the UK, American and Australia and some German men were not very polite and much older. I found one who was near my own age, in fact he was younger and I decided to chat with him. I took the first step,' she reveals.

Thai woman knew her German boyfriend was the one

Within six weeks, Kurt, her German online boyfriend, visited her in Thailand. 'We spent about one week together but we already knew after two days,' she says. Kurt returned for another trip two months later and by the end of the year Nan had a visa to come and live in Germany. This is because she easily passed the German language course and instruction as she already had a command of the language and passed her examination with flying colours.

• Find a German man who is your own age and attractive: Nan picked her German husband because she was attracted to him. 'I think Germen men are very good looking, they look manly,' she says. Nan was looking for a German man her own age who had a good character.
• Make sure your German husband has employment: Even though Nan describes her relationship with her German husband as one of love and equality, she makes no secrets about the importance of income and employment. 'This is why I wanted to find a German men, they are serious, some people say boring but really they are good men who do and do not just talk,' she says.
• Be prepared to stand against your in laws: Nan had a peculiar experience in dealing with her husband in laws. She found the family quite formal and at times intimidating. After a number of encounters, she made a stand. 'I feel strongly that many Germans particularly women have a certain view of Thai people and most of all Thai women. During my first Christmas in Germany I had a fight with my husband about this. I am Kurt's wife, I am not Kurt's Thai wife. But even this has not changed things. My relationship with my husband's family is simply polite, it is not warm and I am determined to be respected,' she says. Nan says she knows some Thai women who have very supportive mother in laws but she would estimate that as a rule, there is a condescending attitude. 'I knew a younger Thai woman who came here from Chaiyaphum province. She was young and her German husband was young. At first her German mother in law was so helpful, like a friend to her but she would not allow her son to make his own home. Because of this there were problems and the Thai girl returned to Thailand after many rows. I think many Germans do think that the Thai woman only come to Germany for money and not love. Sure, a Thai wife is interested in finding money and better life but a good Thai woman also had her standards. To me now I think it is only women like that who should come here. I see many Thai women who stay in Germany simply to earn better money and endure a very unhappy life. I think in the end it is not worth it for everybody,' she says.
• Come to Germany with skills: Nan is very enthusiastic about the prospects for Thai women and Thai wives who come to live in Germany if they can work. 'Germany is a demanding country but also very rewarding if somebody can bring skills and be useful,' she says. Nan uses her language abilities and training as a marketing executive for a university to find work on the internet. 'I am registered with three online contracting companies and though I must work very hard I can earn $100 a day from home.' she says. At the beginning, Nan took part time jobs but with two young sons, she is very busy also as a mother. In addition Nan does the family's finances and supports her husband at work. 'It is not like Thailand. In Germany everything is quiet and it is so different for a Thai woman to be alone like this. Even with my young children, there are some days when I see no one else at all except for my husband. That's why I actually enjoy getting busy online and talking to clients on Skype and Whatsapp.

Thai women seek German men online

Many Thai women in the north of Thailand and a growing number of middle class women now use internet dating sites. Many specifically look to meet German men. There are many good reasons for this, primarily the dependability and responsible nature of German men and the German economy which offers more secure high paid salaries.

Thai women particularly suited to German men

While Germany and Thailand are fundamentally different with contrasting cultures and economies, there are peculiar reasons that make Thai women attractive to German men. As well as being feminine, Thai women live in a culture and tradition which is patriarchal and old fashioned. Under Buddhist traditions many Thai women consider themselves less than men even though they may well be aware that they are more capable and efficient particularly in dealing with money. In Thai society men are treated with deference. Although Germany is a very progressive society with full equality in all areas, many German men are cosseted by their families particularly by their mothers in a fashion that is very similar to Thai families. As German women exercise their independence and are empowered in the workplace, many German men are left challenged to find a relationship partner. Some of these Germans turn to Thai women.

German men with Thai wives: the best and worst

The story of Thai wives in Germany is a bit more complicated than in other countries. A country with a strong economy with good job prospects makes Germany a sought after location for Thai women who have decided to use marriage as a life changing adventure. The men in Germany are generally dependable and possess an honest character. This, together with good looks, make many German men good prospects for Thai women as husbands. There is an enthusiastic coterie of Thai women in Thailand who seek German men. They are interested in German culture and try to learn German as a second language.

Difficulty and danger for Thai women in Germany

But there are also difficulties for Thai women in Germany. Many Thai women who have married German men and who live in Germany often earn very low income. Many find that they must work to keep the household going and to send some money home to Thailand. However, the biggest problem is often not stated. There is a preconceived stereotype of Thai women in Germany that also exists in every other country. In Germany, as in other countries, this prejudice is often silent and not expressed.

Thai wives in Germany increasing again since 2014

Unlike many Scandinavian countries and in more concentrated levels than in the UK and America, Thai wives in Germany tend to live in urban areas. They are often married to skilled and lower skilled workers. In some cases, they are married to small business owners or professionals who run sole practices. This is a very similar pattern to other countries.

The tightening of regulations regarding visas for marriage for Thai women in 2010, an influx of Eastern European women and economic challenges have all contributed to a downturn in Thai wives coming to Germany up until 2014. Since then the numbers have begun increasing again with more younger Germans seeking Thai wives and some Thai women marrying Germans who have also lived in other parts of Europe. In the meantime, improved economic conditions in Thailand, better education and the internet have made it easier for Thai women in the kingdom to find better opportunities.

Profile of Thai wives in Germany

A number of research projects carried out by PHD students for Thai Universities and a particularly comprehensive study by the Thai National Institute of Development paint a very positive picture of Thai wives living in Germany.

Thai wives and temples: In most countries in continental Europe and throughout Germany the influx of Thai women in large numbers has led to the creation of Thai communities centred around Buddhist or Thai temples.

• Thai women networking: In urban areas, Thai women have formed social networks on the ground which entail regular meetings for social activities including gambling, entertainment, cultural activities and financial support.
• Links with Thailand: All Thai women retain active links with Thailand and this has been augmented through the internet with access to new Thai news services and TV programmes online.
• Put husband and family first: Despite the influence of Thai culture to support the extended family, nearly all Thai women in healthy relationships prioritise taking care of their German husbands or spouses. This is not so surprising as it is also another key tenet of Thai culture.
• Take care of finances: Good Thai women in Thailand and throughout the world have a particular flair for taking care of money or financial matters. In Germany this is traditionally a husbands role and can cause conflict in some relationships. However in the spirit of modern western culture this skill is being utilised in many Thai German marriages where the Thai woman takes care of household expenses. Financial matters emerge as a key consideration for Thai women living and working in Germany. It is perhaps the key determiner of the success and happiness of such relationships. The skill of managing and earning money is one that both parties to such relationships must be on the lookout for.

The good news for women in Thailand is that while internet access has grown to near full access throughout the country and smartphone costs are lower, there are more and more German men seeking partners in Thailand. Also interesting is that the age profile of German men seeking love in Thailand is lowering with more younger Germans opting to find a Thai love or marriage partner. It's a good time for Thai women to brush up on some German expressions and German romeos to learn something about Thai culture. Alles Gute!